r/NoStupidQuestions • u/IdeaExpensive3073 • 27d ago

How is it women notice men checking them out but I’ve never noticed women doing it to men, and especially me?

Note: I’ve been told that they were checking me out before, so I know it’s happening.

8.3k Upvotes

88% Upvoted

2.7k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

218

u/quantipede 27d ago

I think partially it’s self doubt; I had a customer in line a few weeks ago who made a couple little jokes and seemed excited talking to me and I thought she was very friendly, and when I was done ringing her up the girl in line behind her told me I should’ve asked for her number because she was totally flirting with me. Still not sure if that was the case though cause I don’t know why an attractive nurse would’ve been at all interested in a sad looking skinny and scruffy barista.

On the flip side of things it also feels a lot like guessing, cause later I had a woman doing almost the same thing so I was like oh! I get it now! And she followed me on Instagram, so I worked up the courage to message her and after a bit of small talk asked her if she wanted to hang out or get coffee or something and got…left on read. lol. So I have truly given up trying to understand flirtation and unless somebody straight up says they’re flirting im always just going to have to treat my instincts as a very bad guess

113

u/xpacean 27d ago

I’ve had a girl I didn’t know just totally shit-talking me and I got annoyed, then later my buddies were like, you know she was flirting with you, right? (She was cute, too.)

So there’s no fucking answer. You just have to guess and take the hit if you’re wrong.

26

u/No-District-8258 27d ago

I knew a girl when I was 20 who was ultra rude to me and would even call me a loser etc when we were hanging around our friends. I couldn't for the life of me understand why. Then one of my older friends dropped a little wisdom on me and told me she probably just had a huge crush on me. Anyway, I put the theory to the test and invited her over one night... weird start to a 1 year relationship 😅

41

u/OneMulatto 27d ago

My woman is like this. If she's being a bitch, she likes you and doesn't know how to let you know.

For year this waitress was, what I'd say, a total bitch to me. Everytime I came in. Short responses. Glaring eyes. Just felt disdain from her. 

Apparently she was in love with me the whole time for some reason. Women are weird.

7

u/ZeekOwl91 27d ago

Your description made me think of Helga and Arnold's dynamic from the Nickelodeon series Hey Arnold!

10

u/TheZenMeister 27d ago

Just think of women like cats. Some are friendly from the get go, others need to come to you on their terms, others are mean but snuggle, but across the board all of them love to leave dead animals in your house

4

u/boonies4u 26d ago

Will they also eat your corpse if you die in the house?

8

u/bmcdonal1975 27d ago

This sounds like a Charlie and Waitress interaction on Its Always Sunny…

1

u/Nindless 26d ago

Which only proves - be patient.

5

u/Bellinelkamk 27d ago

Let it go Charlie

4

u/kyreannightblood 27d ago

Those are people not worth your time. They’re just as awful to other women, too.

2

u/[deleted] 27d ago

If women have such an odd way of showing they like someone, shouldn't they be less angry when a guy guesses wrong?

1

u/nokat08 27d ago

That is game playing, and you don't want that. Even if she is cute.

38

u/Gecko23 27d ago

Women aren’t any better at this than men are. Anytime a woman tells you “she was really into you”, unless the other woman told her that, she’s guessing just like you would be.

31

u/Lawd_Fawkwad 27d ago

Re : your last one.

A woman asked me to ride with her on the metro going to a party because it was past midnight : she interrupted the episode of Naruto I was watching to talk with me, let me bore her with tax law, asked for my instagram and said she loved meeting me and that we should schedule something.

Left on read to...

So yeah man, she can literally hit on you and it's still not confirmation she's into you, she also didn't seem to be drunk or high which made it even weirder.

9

u/LORDLRRD 27d ago

Dude I had a girl literally make sure (as she physically looked at/on) my phone to make sure i saved her number correctly after we met and had a great convo at this music show. Before she left she was like we should totally hang out again please take my number. I'm like YES and text her the next day. Left on read. She was so cute too

10

u/Big-Slurpp 27d ago

You put her number in wrong, and she's dyslexic

4

u/doctordeez69 25d ago

She wanted to smash the night she gave you her number. She had moved on with life the next day.

2

u/dogbreath67 27d ago

Yea that’s what happens. No matter how strong the connection is when you meet, after the 50th time I realized that most likely I will never see that person again.

1

u/pushamanplunder7 26d ago

From my own personal experience with this sort of thing I've found there's usually one of two different scenarios taking place behind the scenes. Neither of them have anything to do with you but i know it sure as hell feels that way when it happens.

1.) She's actively "playing the field" and dating/interacting with several different men in a very short span of time right up until one of them officially advances their relationship into something exclusive.

2.) She just "got out" of a serious long-term relationship and she's trying to rush towards any form of a sexual interaction/encounter, probably out of spite. I used quotation marks because these are the women that probably have toxic relationships and will find themselves in a cycle of breaking up, having a fling, and then getting right back together with their partner multiple times a year. The classic "it wasn't cheating because we were on a break" kinda gals.

Of course, not all women fall into these categories and I'd say that the majority of WOMEN despise this kind of behavior but that's because they are mentally and emotionally mature. They know what they want and have no problem communicating to you that maybe they only want casual sexual or a FWB. This is why I started gravitating towards older women, like at least 5-10 years older than me. Wasted hella time from 17-23 years old being used and dealing with way more stress than anyone should realistically tolerate. Lol

2

u/Downtown_Skill 26d ago

There's one more your missing that's also common. If you're a guy reading this, How many times have you hit it off with a woman while out and while talking with her you think "wow she's pretty cool, I wouldn't mind sleeping with her or getting to know her more" especially when drunk..... Only to get a text and, the next day, be in a completely different mood and not want to bother.

Now you may not feel this way with someone you find extremely attractive or felt a deep connection with, but with someone you found kind of attractive and kind of liked, it's a different story.

Women are the same way. Maybe the woman felt in the mood that night but the feelings weren't strong enough to carry over to the next day.

0

u/pushamanplunder7 26d ago

You're absolutely correct, I did forget the most obvious one. (Yeah I'm a guy. I'm well aware that men and women are the same on these things.. hope I didn't come off like I was attributing these behaviors exclusively to women cause it applies either way). Tbh I'm pretty lit so of course I forget about the intoxication factor 😅

5

u/AfterglowLoves 27d ago

Just fyi “sad looking skinny and scruffy barista” is exactly the type lots of girls find attractive.

1

u/quantipede 26d ago

I don’t know how to find the people who find that attractive lol

5

u/ProgrammerDiligent34 27d ago

Maybe she wants some cream with her coffee.

3

u/Key_Difference_1108 27d ago

The rare double humble brag bravo

2

u/WalkinSteveHawkin 27d ago

Eh, still think you interpreted and responded correctly on the last one. Sometimes you feel something in one moment, but not as much later on.

2

u/Nugatorysurplusage 27d ago

Huh. I’m thinking of the woman in the elevator a few weeks back, and her very excited overly talkative spiel about work and the weekend and being exhausted makes sense.

2

u/shortidiva21 27d ago

I'm so sorry. That sounds so awful!!! I hate when sweet people are treated badly.

2

u/quantipede 26d ago

I wouldn’t call it treated badly; I asked her out and I got my answer, even if there was a better way to say it

2

u/dodekahedron 27d ago

Because some women don't care about the job of a mate.

1

u/Dusty_Coder 27d ago

If you are ringing her up, any relationship you have will not be long term.

1

u/wolfpackchakra 26d ago

early last year i went with some friends to a bar, where the last time i was there, i was really drunk and fell into the floor embarrassingly, and when i went back to that bar months later, everyone working there remembered me and joked with me about if i was going to fall again that night.. fast forward to when we were getting our tabs before leaving, i was in that process and told the cute girl that handed me the receipt to sign, that i hadn’t drank as much, and didn’t fall this time, and she was like “you can fall into my arms any time”.. and i was thinking hmm what an interesting thing to say, and was kind of speechless, so just told her “thank you” and left. i got outside to my car and asked my friends that were there to hear the interaction “she was flirting with me wasn’t she?” and they were like “yeahhhhhh”

1

u/Eyerish9299 26d ago

JUST had something like this happen to me. A girl matched with me, we chatted for a bit and she sent me her Snapchat (completely unsolicited because I didn't even have Snapchat) I messaged her something flirty, she responded and then ghosted me. I have zero idea why.