r/NoStupidQuestions • u/IdeaExpensive3073 • 27d ago

How is it women notice men checking them out but I’ve never noticed women doing it to men, and especially me?

Note: I’ve been told that they were checking me out before, so I know it’s happening.

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u/sparklecadet 27d ago

12 was when grown men, like construction men, would smile at me and make comments at me. This was my experience, as well as the experience of almost every other woman I know who grew up in NYC. Maybe NYC is unique in this respect, but sadly, I doubt it.

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u/ArchieBrooksIsntDead 27d ago

It's definitely not unique. One of the things I think men in general don't understand is that when women are talking about scary unwelcome attention at a young age, it's not unusual for it to start at 12 or younger and it IS NOT same age boys or even slightly older boys (or it wouldn't be so scary). It's middle-aged men.

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u/cupholdery 27d ago

That just sounds horrifying in every way. How do you even "warn" a 10 year old girl that grown men will leer at her after a year? Ugh.

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u/Painterly_Princess 27d ago

Was warned by my mom by age 4 that if a grownup wanted to see my private parts, I was to tell my mama, even if it's someone you know, she said. Even if they threaten to kill you, tell me. 

Such a sad world we live in when we need to tell that kind of thing to our daughters.

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u/cyboplasm 27d ago

Any kid really... but grown adults openly sexualizing kids is alarming

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u/reverbiscrap 27d ago

I wish I had been told that. Maybe I would have known then that what my rapist did to me was wrong back then and said something, rather than almost 20 years later.

Almost had an incident regarding my eldest son. Might post about it one day, when thinking of it doesn't raise my blood pressure.

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u/lethal_universed 27d ago

I'm so sorry you and your son went through that king. I hope you and he are healing

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u/reverbiscrap 26d ago

I read the signs and interceded with my son before anything happened. He has asked about 'the nice lady', but I can judo that.

Myself, I got a grip and sorted myself out years ago. Was hard, but time and reason, and my wife, got me over the worst hurdles.

Thank you, for your concern. It honestly feels surprising to hear; I am so used to dealing with some manner of interlocutor on this website that actual compassion feels odd.

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u/lethal_universed 26d ago

I'm glad you swooped in and protected him. Your a good role model.

And I'm glad you had some people to rely on to help you get through your trauma + prevent that cycle from every occuring under your watch.

And NP. People on this site can be a-holes because they either take something way too personally or refuse to see other perspectives aside from their own. I think it helps to go to communities where that inclusive/ open-minded mindset is more prevelant (not guarenteed, but the odds are better). And TIL a new word (interlocutor)!

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u/wise0wl 27d ago

Women should have a once-per-year monopoly style card that allows for them to launch one man out of a catapaut.  Just one.  Save it up for someone who is a true creep and just let ‘er rip.

I don’t think many people will miss bubba leering at 12 year olds.

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u/Kayd3nBr3ak 27d ago

I need something more gruesome and hands on. Look them in the eye, you know?

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u/Painterly_Princess 26d ago

We need a new Australia where we can just...ship off all the pedos and let em sort each other out. 

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u/RadioSilens 26d ago

Honestly this needs to be said to all kids. So many boys are also abused but they have a hard time coming forward because of the shame and stigma.

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u/adribash 25d ago

One of our family friend’s sons (16, male) tried to make me give him a blowjob when I was 5, whipped out his willy and everything. Luckily my mom already had the “talk” with me and I ran out of the room screaming “ewwww!”

Men are pigs…

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u/conbrioso 27d ago

Sad world perhaps, but not new.